John McCain Wears Flip-Flops; Sarah Palin Dons Scandals

In a matter of hours, Sarah Palin, known by a relatively small number of Americans - those under her neoteric governance in our nation's forty-ninth state and politically-savvy pundits alike - has become a household name. Palin's relative "hotness" according to Google, is volcanic. Indeed, just minutes after the official announcement of her candidacy for the second highest office in our nation, the number of searches for her name increased one-hundred fold; that, and she's probably the most attractive politican to come along since Margaret Thatcher. Now there's a fox! Me-ow!

Anywho, by choosing a politican who is not just a relative unknown, but one who has spent less than two years as governor in a state some forget is part of America, John McCain and his dogged campaign have accomplished four things:
First, they were able to run an ephemral story at the perfect time to refract any lengthy discourse about Barack Obama's historical speech 45 years after Martin Luther King, Jr. first dreamt of peace and harmony. It was one of the campaign's wiser moments. Second, by nominating a female, they guaranteed that it is not only the Democratic party poised to make history in November. It was almost as if, with this pick alone, John McCain said, "Hey, you don't have to vote for Obama if you want to be a part of history." Indeed, it is all but certain that, come November, for the first time ever, a team of white males will not occupy the desks at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. With this pick, John McCain and Sarah Palin invited those vacillating and disgruntled Hillary Clinton supporters along for the ride. Noting that "the women of America aren't finished yet," and that they can "shatter that glass ceiling [the one frequently referenced by Mrs. Clinton in many of her speeches] once and for all," Sarah Palin produced her first rallying cry. Admittedly, it is an enticing offer for many women who know little about politics and even less about Ms. Palin. I will introduce her to you in a moment, but I wanted to briefly touch upon the other two things the McCain campaign has accomplished. By nominating someone whose political experience consists of being a two-term city council member and mayor of Wasilla, Alaska (google maps, anyone?) before launching a failed campaign to attain a lieutenant governorship, the now-governor Palin brings nothing but a new face to the campaign. It also destroys John McCain's strongest argument about Barack Obama. For months, John McCain has hammered away at Obama's relative inexperience, while touting his own lengthy stay in Washington as a positive element to his campaign. He has told the country that they cannot take a chance on someone who, by McCain's account, is not ready to serve. Now, by bringing aboard a political newcomer to be the second-highest ranking figure in America, someone who has to always be ready to assume the title of commander-in-chief, someone who has not even been involved in politics at the national level, McCain's most powerful rallying cry must trickle to naught but a whisper. How can anyone in the McCain camp decry Sen. Obama for inexperience when their number two has even less than he does? How can John McCain possibly discuss Sen. Obama's lack of preparedness when his number two has only been governor for less than two years. To put it in terms the former PTA mother of five might understand: it is the political equivalent of asking a second-year graduate student to be an assistant principal; like asking a resident doctor to be the assistant to the chief of medicine. Simply put, it is not only ridiculous, but ridiculously insulting to those with much higher credentials. Lastly, with this token pick, Sen. McCain has thrust an unprepared Sarah Palin into the spotlight and has left her record free to be examined at will by journalists, members of the media, and those of us in the blogosphere. I promised you an introduction, didn't I?

Sarah Palin welcomed herself to the national stage by giving a bland, but informative, introductory speech to let the 299,000,000 Americans not living in Alaska get to know who she is on a more personal level. She mentioned volunteering for the PTA, being a hockey mom, and loving her five children - one of whom, Track, enlisted in the U.S. Army last September. What she didn't mention was the following:

- On May 22, 2008, Gov. Sarah Palin announced that the state of Alaska would be suing the Department of the Interior for listing the polar bear as a threatened species. Her reason? The conservation of the animal and its natural habitat threatened the development of oil and natural gas. Despite many reputable scientists arguing for the preservation of the bear, Palin let loose with a revisionist history and a complete inaccuracy of the animal's numbers, saying "Polar bears are well-managed and their population has dramatically increased over 30 years as a result of conservation." (Source: http://www.adn.com/polarbears/story/413710.html) Even the Bush administration did not go that far.

- July 2007: Matanuska Maid Dairy was a state-owned business. When the State Dairy Board recommended closing it because it became unprofitable, Palin fired the entire board and appointed long-time Mat-Su Borough associates to run the company, including influential real estate businesswoman Kristan Cole. The new board quickly approved raising the price of milk offered by the dairy, in a vain attempt to control fiscal losses, despite the fact that milk from Washington was already offered in Alaska stores for less than Matanuska Maid milk. Ultimately, the dairy was forced to close, and the state tried to sell the assets to pay off its debts, but no bids were received. (Source: http://dwb.adn.com/news/alaska/matsu/mat_maid/story/9261530p-9176496c.html) Sarah Palin's clear lack of fiscal responsibility forced not only the closing of a once-profitable business, but the loss of jobs held by honest, hard-working Americans who happened to show her the truth she never wanted to see.

- July 11, 2008: Palin dismissed Walter Monegan as Commissioner of Public Safety and instead offered him a position as executive director of the state Alcoholic Beverage Control Board, which he subsequently turned down. The right of the governor to fire him is not in dispute since the Commissioner serves at the will of the governor, but Monegan alleged shortly after his dismissal that it may have been partly due to his reluctance to fire an Alaska State Trooper, Mike Wooten, who had been involved in a divorce and child custody battle with Palin's sister, Molly McCann. Showing her penchant for never mixing personal and professional life, Governor Palin is currently under independent investigation to determine if she abused her power when firing Public Safety Commissioner Walt Monegan. (Source: http://www.adn.com/politics/story/469135.html)

Ladies and gentlemen, please give Sarah Palin the welcome she deserves: a hearty congratulations for being only the second female in history to be nominated as vice-president, and give John McCain a handshake for committing political suicide. Sarah Palin, once America gets to know the real you, like the timing of your nomination, you too will soon be ephemeral.