I Was Going To Give This Post a Title, But Then I Got High and Supported Terrorism Instead*

It seems that ever since Barack Obama announced his candidacy for the presidency, there have been myriad half-hearted and inane attempts to derail his campaign with audacious accusations about his character. Fox News has been the biggest supporter of impugning Obama, claiming that he not only has Hussein as his middle name (gasp!), went to a "Muslim school" in the Philippines, (no, not Muslim!) and is... (mothers, you may want to turn your children away from the computer screen at this point) a smoker! That's right! "Mr. Change" himself is not only one step away from being a full-fledged supporter of Al Qaeda, but if he's not opposed to slow suicide via cigarettes, what else could he be hiding?! A hidden moustache? A connection to the Nazi party? Walt Disney's head?? C'mon. This line of thinking is elementary at best. In fact, a fifth grader being taught deductive reasoning for the first time could see through these tenuous arguments. This smoke-and-mirrors tactic is what Fox News does best: blind its audience with extremist American fervor, rile them up to the level of "blind patriot" and spoon-feed them the news that couldn't be fair and balanced if it were a white woman standing in the middle of the Liberty scales. As he is a freshman senator from Illinois, his record is cleaner than most, which means these neoconservatives have to go digging deep. The latest news item from the "always American" right is the claim that Barack Obama was only supportive of decriminalizing marijuana when he wasn't a prominent figure in the public eye (i.e. before he announced his candidacy) and is now against such measures. In fact, even the most basic research will show those self-proclaimed dispassionate dramatists at the Conservative-leaning Washington Post (http://www.washingtontimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080131/NATION/896961936/1001)
that this is simply erroneous. Barack Obama has always been the only candidate, and that includes my preferred nominee prior to withdrawal, John Edwards, who has been for the decriminalization of marijuana.

I think, at this point, we must ask ourselves just what the big deal is. Why is marijuana stigmatized now, as it was in the 1930s, with the moniker of "assassin of youth"? What properties, contained therein, are so detrimental to a person's well-being, that simply by being around them would cause great personal harm? The main ingredients in cannabis sativa (the plant from which marijuana is cultivated) are pistillate plant leaves and dried, aged flowers. The by-product of this flora is a chemical known as Tetrahydrocannabinol (THC to you hipsters) which, when rendered as a molecule, looks a bit phallic in nature. Just saying. Combining the THC inherent in the plant with the product itself causes an adverse reaction in its consumer: dizziness, nausea, mild hallucinations, increased heartbeat, increased appetite, reduced reaction time, and the ever-dangerous short-term memory loss. Perhaps these are reasons alone to ban marijuana completely and call Barack Obama to the gallows for daftly insinuating that weed offenses should be lessened. I argue to the contrary.

With the passage of the "Marihuana Tax Act of 1937," yes, that's 1937, marijuana was made illegal in the United States. Increased knowledge of the adverse side effects of certain drugs, including cocaine, opium, and snuff led to this widespread ban on all narcotics. Spreading the myth that pot is a gateway drug, that increased use will lead people to "...tune in and drop out," and, more recently, that smoking marijuana is akin to giving money to terrorists, the United States government has spent more money to prosecute those who smoke the wacky tobacky than they have on the No Child Left Behind Act. Disregarding the facts that Saudi Arabia, the nation where 15 of the 19 9/11 hijackers were born and raised, has over $10 TRILLION invested in the U.S. economy and that simply by relying on foreign oil produced by terror-supporting nations, we as Americans indirectly support terror, in 2002 over $12 billion was spent destroying marijuana plants grown in the southern Atlantic states, including Kentucky, Tennessee, and Florida. This continued prohibition of a drug with known medical benefits is absolutely preposterous. The War on Drugs has been fought continuously since 1937 and it does not look like the American troops are faring well in this one. Perhaps they should take a page out of President Bush's agenda and withdraw soldiers... wait...

The killer side effects I mentioned earlier are found, not only in alcohol, but in products consumed by Americans of all ages: sugar and coffee among the main offenders. Naysayers will claim that continued pot use will result in incurable lung cancer due to the carcinogenic components of the THC contained within. These same naysayers will make this claim whilst lighting up a cigarette, putting six sugar-substitutes into the venti chai extra-whip no frap macchiato beverage from Starbucks, cleaning their floors with ammonia and bleach, eating McDonald's french fries, and using over 12,000 other products that may cause cancer. The disease argument must be taken with a grain of salt that may or may not also cause cancer. In 2006, 13,470 people died on U.S Highways as a result of alcohol, with the number being slightly higher than the previous year. Yet, except for the ubiquitous Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD), cries for prohibition, regulation, or even temperance were nowhere to be heard.

It is truly sad when people who claim that the United States does not have the best interest of its citizens in mind are starting to look less and less loony. The only reasons I can see for the denunciation of marijuana is lack of profit, lack of historical significance within the United States, and lack of complete knowledge about the drug. By telling U.S. citizens that they cannot do something because it is illegal and wrong is akin to putting a giant red button in the middle of a room, a la Ren and Stimpy, and saying, "Now kids, whatever you do, don't push this button." Yet, I have found that the continued criminalization of marijuana in the United States is almost directly related to social status. Naturally, those in poor, urban environments are likelier candidates for drug use than those in the middle- and upper-classes, and by persistently prosecute those who use marijuana recreationally, it allows a continuation of the class war within the country. Indeed, with over 250,000 inmates currently incarcerated for non-violent drug offenses in our nation's prisons, I think it's time that we take a look in the mirror, take a deep breath, relax, and press that red button. I think if you check your facts, Washington Post, you'll find that Barack Obama was most definitely a fan of Ren and Stimpy.

*Note: I neither got high nor supported terrorism before, during, or after this post.

Maybe Stephen Lynch Should Be Arrested for Inciting a Riot

Enough. E-nough. Ever since I was five years old, I could remember the vitriolic hate speech coming from the gullet of the Reverend Al Sharpton. Under the guise of political activism and civil rights, Sharpton's racist tirades and pointless hatemongering have unfortunately become the face of Black America. Courting the so-called "Black vote" means having to kowtow to the unruly whims and ridiculous needs of this potentate of preposterousness. Just how big of an imbecile is this "civil rights leader"? Jeff Jacoby of the Capitalist Magazine points out the following:

1987: Sharpton spreads the incendiary Tawana Brawley hoax, insisting heatedly that a 15-year-old black girl was abducted, raped, and smeared with feces by a group of white men. He singles out Steve Pagones, a young prosecutor. Pagones is wholly innocent -- the crime never occurred -- but Sharpton taunts him: "If we're lying, sue us, so we can . . . prove you did it." Pagones does sue, and eventually wins a $345,000 verdict for defamation. To this day, Sharpton refuses to recant his unspeakable slander or to apologize for his role in the odious affair.

1991: A Hasidic Jewish driver in Brooklyn's Crown Heights section accidentally kills Gavin Cato, a 7-year-old black child, and antisemitic riots erupt. Sharpton races to pour gasoline on the fire. At Gavin's funeral he rails against the "diamond merchants" -- code for Jews -- with "the blood of innocent babies" on their hands. He mobilizes hundreds of demonstrators to march through the Jewish neighborhood, chanting, "No justice, no peace." A rabbinical student, Yankel Rosenbaum, is surrounded by a mob shouting "Kill the Jews!" and stabbed to death.

1995: When the United House of Prayer, a large black landlord in Harlem, raises the rent on Freddy's Fashion Mart, Freddy's white Jewish owner is forced to raise the rent on his subtenant, a black-owned music store. A landlord-tenant dispute ensues; Sharpton uses it to incite racial hatred. "We will not stand by," he warns malignantly, "and allow them to move this brother so that some white interloper can expand his business." Sharpton's National Action Network sets up picket lines; customers going into Freddy's are spat on and cursed as "traitors" and "Uncle Toms." Some protesters shout, "Burn down the Jew store!" and simulate striking a match. "We're going to see that this cracker suffers," says Sharpton's colleague Morris Powell. On Dec. 8, one of the protesters bursts into Freddy's, shoots four employees point-blank, then sets the store on fire. Seven employees die in the inferno.

This is, of course, in addition to the now-infamous Don Imus scandal and Sharpton's latest smoke-and-mirrors tactic: boycotting the Golf Channel due to the use of the word "lynch" by White correspondent Kelly Tilghman. Tilghman suggested that golfers "lynch Tiger Woods in a back alley" to stave off his resplendent gameplay and top notch skills. A poor choice of words on the part of this former college golfer, but ones that were following with a formal and personal apology to Woods and all those she offended with her ludicrous statement. Woods, ever the consummate gentleman, and noting the mistake his friend, Tilghman, made, accepted the apology, and the two remain "on the best of terms," according to a publicist for the Golf Channel.

The matter should have ended there, but no. As the fire died down, our beloved anti-hero was there to engulf the matter with hate rhetoric and racist gasoline. Like an over-involved parent charging his progeny to cease play relations with a disruptive classmate, Al was there, taking a break from the job he seems not to have to call for the immediate dismissal of Ms. Tilghman. Calling the incident "an affront to the entire Black community," Sharpton claimed he would "pickett [sic] the station" if the Golf Channel did not force Ms. Tilghman to resign her post. Historically, the number of Blacks who watch or even flip past the golf channel is infinitesimal, and a Sharpton boycott would do more to bring in viewers than drive them away - after all, even bad publicity, some would suggest, is good publicity. This matter would be a non-issue if Tilghman happened to be Black. Indeed, there have been plenty of anti-White harangues from prominent celebrities both Black and White that received nary a mention from the Reverend. Among them:

Sonny Carson (black activist in New York, when asked if he was anti-Semitic): "I am anti-white. I don't limit my 'anti' to just one group of people." [Mark Mooney, "Ex-Dinkins Organizer Boasts He's 'AntiWhite'" New York Post, October 21, 1989, p. 3.]

"What we need is the destruction of whiteness, which is the source of human misery in the world." [REV. JAMES CONE- Quoted in David Horowitz, Hating Whitey, Spence Publishing, 1999, p. 44.]

Eldrege Cleaver (former Black Panther leader on why he raped white women): "Rape was an insurrectionary act. It delighted me that I was defying and trampling upon the white man's law, upon his system of values, and that I was defiling his women." [Eldridge Cleaver, Soul on Ice, McGraw-Hill, 1968, p.14.]

"If black people kill black people every day, why not have a week and kill white people."(SISTER SOULJAH (rap artist and black activist [R.W. Apple "Jackson Sees 'Character Flaw' in Clinton's Remarks on Racism, New York Times, June 19, 1992.]

Conspicuous by his absence is the ever-dogmatic Sharpton. Indeed, instead of holding rallies or political meetings to figure out how to end the seemingly perpetual poverty much of urban America seems to find themselves in, or using his apparently infinite cash flow to curtail street gangs or even the aggrandizement of the gangster lifestyle in hip-hop music, a style favored by many inner-city denizens, Sharpton misappropriates his funds to deal with a slip of the tongue.

Al, my suggestion to you is to grow up. Stop playing race games that are no longer cute. Stop inciting riots and protests because someone is expressing an opinion. Use your intellect and intelligence and get a real job; be the beacon of light and hope for a Black community that, for whatever reason, seems to depend on you. Lead by example. Denounce racist and misogynist speech no matter what a person's race is. For all you spew about Martin Luther King, Jr., you sure don't seem to believe in the whole "content of character" portion touted by the famed and beloved Civil Rights notable. Apologize to the world for your political misguidance and become a reformed and respected leader. I think your reform, Al, is long overdue. The world waits on your decision.

It's All Fun and Games Until Someone Throws Up Dinner

Like any Nintendo Wii owner, when the plans were announced to release Super Mario Galaxy three weeks before Christmas, I was ecstatic. I'm nowhere near an avid gamer, but having made quick work of Super Mario 64 and really not taking too much of a liking to the Gamecube version, the anticipation was building. Everyone's favorite overweight plumber with the poor choice in clothing and facial hair would be, once again, saving the world from certain doom. I was not about to go barging into my local Game Stop and demand a copy be relinquished to me at once. I was going to do as countless other Americans when finding an item of interest with less than five weeks remaining in the year: I would ask Santa for this gift. You would not find me waiting hours outside my local Best Buy to procure the "limited edition" of a certain first-person shooter. Don't you think that if the editions really were limited that 750,000 people would be leaving the store, like you, $120 poorer and holding a multicolored cardboard box for your efforts? Marketing campaigns never cease to amaze. Anyway, the reviews online all claimed it to be the "best game of the year," the "one you can't afford to miss," the "reason to own a Nintendo Wii," the "sexiest female on the planet..." The list went on, as did the days, and when I finally opened the presents underneath my Pagan-styled Christmas tree, I was both surprised and excited to see a giant black moustache staring up at me. Once I cleared my dad's pile of 1970's porn away from my gifts, the cover of Super Mario Galaxy was something to behold. Despite my desire to play the game, my brother had just gotten Rock Band AND I was going to London for a week. Both, clearly, held priority over rescuing the infuriatingly gullible Princess Peach.
Upon returning from London, my girlfriend and I sat on my couch, both eager to see the "game of the century" as one ostensibly over-zealous game review put it. The story line needs almost no introduction, and really, I skipped it. The Princess has been captured by Bowser once more and it is up to Mario and his arsenal of weapons of mass destruction to save her. The game looked awesome, but visually and, just because it's a Mario title, in terms of game play. The controls seemed to be fluid and upon entering the castle five minutes in, I was impressed at how Bowser was able to whisk away the Princess without catching the ire of her absentee father. Come to think of it... who is the King of Mushroom Kingdom? Is he married? Did Princess' dad get betrothed to a female Toad? At the risk of making myself out to be a larger nerd than I already am, I watched Mario get his ass handed to him by the undulations of the ground as the castle itself was yanked out from its presumably weak foundations.
At this point, Mario found himself in a world where he was able to run "off of the board" and onto the bottom of the piece of land. The camera swerves and sways along with him, and when I had Mario standing literally on the side of a grassy knoll and jumping in a manner that typical gravity wouldn't allow... I became dizzy. When the camera followed his every move, ebbing and flowing in whatever direction I chose to move our moustachioed hero in, I nearly vomited. I turned the game off and lay down on my girlfriend's lap, as I would much rather her affection than that of a computerized plumber. My head was pounding and I felt as if I had just been through a bout of turbulence whilst descending into JFK.
Perhaps, I thought as I lay there, waiting for the throbbing and nausea to subside, I have an unbalanced equilibrium... maybe I should see if anyone else has this problem with this game. I did just that, going, for the first time, I may add, to a video game forum. Unofficially, three of every four posts dealt with the nausea and sick feeling that one got while playing the game. Their solution was to "play the game for two hours and ultimately it will go away." Others chided those who felt ill with poor spelling and ridiculous intimations, "maybe if I tayed [sic] up for like 2 days straight and ate nothing but junk food and energy drink [sic] I might get one of those... otherwise u moight [sic] just be unhealthy or somethin... [sic]." Some cute Asian-themed emoticon usually followed, and I was incredulous. "Sure," they were practically saying to those not of their strong-stomached ilk, "get yourself sick, but this game is TOTALLY WORTH IT!" No thanks. I'm sure the game is fantastic, the gameplay unparalleled, and the storyline compelling, but I'll be much happier with my fifty dollars and sense of equilibrium.